i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
