The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
