Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
