You work out of a Hotel?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
