we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
