My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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