I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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