and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
