I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Let the clothes fall where they may.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
