O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
