I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
