My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
