were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
