Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
