Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
