She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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