she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
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At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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