I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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