dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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