After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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