I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
