It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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