IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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