C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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