6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
