i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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