I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
