i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
