Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
