You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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