my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
