ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
