So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i now understand why vodka
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
