Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
