can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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