I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
