It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
