hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
