I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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