well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
