Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
