i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
