Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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