My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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