call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
