last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
