I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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