he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
