Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
