Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
