I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
