Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize