i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
