ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
