Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
