SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
