Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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