Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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