There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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