Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
