Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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