I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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