Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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