Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
