Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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