we're chasing vodka with high fives
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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