We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
