I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
