So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
